So I went to the movie theatre on a whim.

I finished work at 16:30, tried to find stuff to do, and realized it was Friday: I needed to get drunk. I mean do something fun. I mean.

I needed to get drunk and watch a movie.

So I started sipping on a drink and a thought ran through my head: I can walk to the movie theatre.

For context, I used to live in the suburbs, far from everything, carless. I've been a bus guy for most of my adult life, despite having a driver's license. But recently, I moved to the city (woohoo!) and I can walk or bus to every necessary location. The movie theatre is one of them.

So I looked at the schedule, and The Phoenician Scheme was wayyy too late. I'm an old man now, I can't come back home at 1 AM, that would destroy me for weeks. So the other option: Jurassic World: Rebirth at 18:30.

That drink jumped to my stomach and I was on my way. Wearing a beautiful outfit, cat-themed bag on my shoulder, I used my LGBT powers to fastwalk my way to the holy place.

Once there, I got myself 2 beautiful corn dogs with fries to go, and before I knew it, I was in my seat.

You might be thinking: why Jurassic World? It's strange, because I don't usually go see big franchise films in the theatre. I end up watching them at home. What's stranger is that I haven't ever watched a Jurassic movie from beginning to end.

So why?

Well look at the cast: Jonathan Bailey? The love of my life?

Scarlett Johansson? One of the mothers of all time?

Mahershala Ali? From every recent good movie, including MOONLIGHT???

This was my motivation.

So I watched. I'm not sure the 3 teenagers next to me were actually watching the movie between their annoying, unfunny, edgy comments. Oh they were loud too, which was awesome.

Sorry. But also I'm not. They ruined my night.

And the movie sucked ass.

Simply put.

It brought nothing of value to the world. The "plot" was empty, the dialog felt like an unfunny parody of the genre, and the acting smelled like collecting a paycheck (or seeing someone else collect their paycheck, I guess).

But apparently they had fun filming it. I enjoyed seeing Jonathan Bailey go golden retriever mode on social media, seemingly happier than ever, nerding out about dinosaurs and the legacy of the series.

I'm thankful for it making me leave my place on a Friday night? Or something. Yeah that's all, really.